Memory vs Reality…

Times change, people change, the only constant in this life is change. Sometimes, I feel like my memories are just as real as the present. The thing I love most about memories is that we have the power in our awesome brains to twist those memories. This may sound odd, but you really can change your memories. You can concentrate so hard on details in your memories that they actually change. For instance, you go on your first date and wear a red shirt. Now you own that shirt in 4 colors, you remember what style shirt you wore, but the red one got destroyed by some freak accident. You concentrate on that memory and all of a sudden, you remember wearing the blue one on your first date with your husband. Your memory compensates for things that require you to cope with. This is one coping mechanism the brain uses to help keep us happy.

The bad memories are the same way. You can think that you broke up with someone for a really big reason, but then they come back in your life and you suppress that memory because your brain naturally wants to remember the good; as long as the good has outweighed the bad. I am not saying that all memories are inaccurate, but they can be. Your memories are what you make of them.

Reality is what you make of it. This is not the same as memories, because memories are easily altered. Reality, however, is what you make of it not how you twist it. This happens daily in the lives of abused women. They keep telling themselves that they deserve the beating, or he was just angry and didn’t mean anything by it. The truth is that their abuser has beaten their spirit down so much that they cannot even see the reality of their situation. They live in a false reality based on what they have been told daily over a long time. Someone who is abusive typically does not start out that way. An abusive partner will start out being nice and kind. One day they will start throwing around the lines of emotional abuse. They say things like, “you’re stupid”, “you will amount to nothing in life”, and “why do you even try, if you can’t clean the kitchen right, how will you ever be able to make it in the job world”. These phrases add up to a beaten down self-esteem. Women don’t even realize that this is happening until it is too late. By the time the beating starts the female actually feels like she is nothing and deserves it. This is a false sense of reality at its worst.

There is hope. We as individuals need to start being honest with ourselves. Psalms 139 says “We are fearfully and wonderfully made.” This is so incredibly true. Women and Men alike need to realize that our reality is found in the perfection of Christ, and our Memories rest in his care as well.

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